The Road to Freedom

Doug McGowan

I got permission from my wife Cyndi to posts this. It's her testimony. You will be blessed if you take time to read this. It brings tears to my eyes...

- The Road to Freedom -

Have you ever been skeptical when you heard a person say that they went to prison and found Jesus? So was I…until it happened to me. I had been living a life of recklessness, carelessness, and selfishness for many years. I held drugs and partying in higher regard than I did myself, or my family. My five children had been removed from my home and were living with various family members. I was quickly traveling on a downward spiral of destruction. The darkness and depression I was in had overpowered my will to live, leaving me in a cave of despair. All I wanted was the peace that only death could bring.

March 3rd, 2008, was the beginning of my path to freedom. It began with a knock on the door by an officer from the local police department. I had missed yet another court date and there was a warrant for my arrest. As I left my home that day, handcuffed and in the back of a police car, I knew I wouldn’t be returning to that residence. I was only in jail for a few days before the sheriff’s office served me with an eviction notice. I felt so helpless knowing that strangers would be rummaging through my belongings, discarding the precious pictures that reflected smiling images of my displaced children, and there was nothing I could do. 

Within two weeks of my arrest I received a sentence of 15 months in the state correctional facility on a DUI charge. With time served and good behavior, I would be serving a total of 61 days after being transported. I was aware of the fact that you were not permitted to transfer any of your belongings from county jail to prison unless it was a Bible, therefore, I decided to acquire one as a means to hold onto addresses and phone numbers that I wanted to keep; I had no idea the impact this book was going to have on my life. 

As you can imagine, a person has a lot of time on their hands while sitting in jail; it is the ultimate “time-out”. Out of curiosity and boredom I began thumbing through the Bible I had received and I came across the name of Ezekiel, it was such an odd name that it sparked my interest and I began to read. I read about how God sent mind boggling visions to this unsuspecting young chap that sounded like they were straight out of a trippy sci-fi movie. This story was filled with creatures I had never imagined, and outlandish tasks God wanted Ezekiel to carry out. I was captivated by the story of the valley of dry bones; I never realized that the Bible was such a good book!

Once I had finished Ezekiel, I decided that I wanted to read something about Jesus, so I opened up to the book of Mark, the shortest of the four gospels (which is why I chose it). This is where I found the words that would forever change not only my way of thinking about Christianity, but my entire outlook on life: Chapter 2, verse 17 of the Contemporary English Version of the Bible, Jesus says, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor, but sick people do. I didn’t come to invite the good people to be my followers. I came to invite sinners.” Wow!!! He was talking about me! I was a sinner! This was the best news I had ever heard.

As I continued to read, a new-found faith began to develop deep inside my heart. Up until this point I felt like me being alive gave my children a false sense of hope that I would someday be able to bring them all back together…back home. This task seemed impossible at the time, but as I read more about the promises of God, that thought began to fade away. The Bible told me that all things are possible, and that He is a God of restoration. The hunger in my soul to learn more led me to sign up for any available bible studies I could go to while in prison. Looking back, I am able to see how God brought different people into my path to help guide my way. The last cellmate that I had said “Cyndi, Jesus doesn’t want you leave Him here in prison, take Him with you when you go. Too many people forget who it was that helped them through when they get back out on the streets.” I will never forget those words for as long as I live. 

I still had a long way to go after my release in June. With my mom’s help, I began to visit my children consistently in order to do my part to regain their trust, I went to a 90 day inpatient drug treatment program as suggested by the Department of Children and Family Services, and then entered into a 18 month residential Christian discipleship program called Tabitha House for my follow-up care. It was here that I learned who I was in Christ and gained the confidence I needed to become a productive member of society. I even got hired by the ministry to cook for both the men’s and women’s houses, as well as for an after-school program they provided for the neighborhood kids. 

I was able to save enough money during my stay to get an apartment only two weeks after my graduation in July, 2010. It was a wonderful feeling knowing that it wouldn’t be long before the kids would be coming home to stay. My oldest son Aric returned first that October; Raven and David followed in December. Raymond, my youngest child, came home in June 2011, and finally, after a long wait, custody of my son Michael was granted to me in February, 2012. 

I am grateful to have this second chance at being a mom, and even more grateful that I now have what it takes to teach my children about the goodness of God. I think that after reading this you would have to agree that going to prison was the best thing that ever happened to me.

In picture: 

Back Row: Raymond, Alex (step-son), Raven, Michael, and David

Front Row: Me, Doug (husband) Kodi the dog, and Aric —  at Coffee Creek